We always have a choice.

Have you ever been asked the oft- repeated question," Is the glass half-full or half-empty? If you're an optimistic person like myself you might say the glass is half-full; and of course if you have a generally negative view of the world at large you may think the glass is half-empty. Of course now there are people who aim to by-pass that question and look at the same scenario in an overly philosophical manner; asking the question , "Why must there be a glass at all?" Or, "Is the glass made of glass or some other non-descript material?"

That's beside the point. We all know what the question is really asking of us; at the very depth of our personality are we optimists or pessimists? How do we view our current circumstances? Do we have an attitude of being thankful or do we complain and whine constantly?

Just two days ago, I finally updated my IPhone software. I was using an outdated model and every time there was a slight problem I used to get asked if I had updated my software. I did not realize what a difference it made. The phone moved faster. The only analogy I can use to compare this to is like a child trying to solve a 3rd grade Maths sum at kindergarten, and then solving the same sum with much greater ease on reaching the 3rd grade and having acquired the right skills.

I was happy with the upgrade, the only challenge was that most of the applications I was using before the upgrade had disappeared! I was a little overwhelmed at first thinking that I would have to go through the tedious process of downloading the apps all over again. Then it dawned on me that now I would get to download completely new apps, and only ones that I would actually use. There were two ways of looking at the same situation; either spend my time, effort and energy being depressed about having to re-download a new set of apps, or spend that same time, effort and energy at discovering new apps. It was my choice.

This may seem like a small and irrelevant example; however the choice is always ours. Only we can decide whether to be happy or sad. We can choose to react or respond to situations. We can choose to love or hate. We can choose to blame or take the blame. We can choose to be a leader or a follower. The choice is ours. We will reap what we sow.

Why ignoring your gut feeling can be dangerous.

Many of us are often told to follow our heart. To go with the flow. Somehow our heart seems to know what's good for us. Logically that doesn't make sense. Those who are in love would understand this. A woman may meet a man who somehow doesn't quite fit her 'list'. It could just be her first meeting and somehow she feels 'butterflies' in her stomach. Butterflies in the stomach? Obviously not literally! She may also go on a date with a man who completely 'fits' her list of criteria but who doesn't give her the 'butterflies in the stomach' effect. (not to be confused with the butterfly effect!) So who should she choose? On what should she base her decision?

I was musing over this idea recently after a certain incident that happened to me in India. I was rushing to the domestic terminal in Delhi to take a flight to Hyderabad. Rushing because I had woken up slightly late! My cousin dropped me off at what we had been told was the correct terminal. As I was heading to go in the building the guard at the door told me I was at the wrong terminal. He gave me some instructions on how to get to my terminal, which after thinking through I ignored because it would have taken too long. Instead I called my cousin who thankfully wasn't too far away. He returned and took me back to my terminal which I realized wasn't quite as near as I had thought.

Then as I was going in, the guard at the main door stopped me because i didn't have a print-out of my ticket. I tried uselessly arguing with him in my broken Hindi, and then a passenger behind me told me I could get a print out at the office just a few doors down. So I ran there and got my print out, ignoring the comment of the guy who was printing it out. He told me not to bother since I was going to miss my flight anyway. I had to bite my tongue on the very impolite remark I felt like hurling at him! I rushed back and headed to my counter and pleaded with the staff to let me on the flight, which after much reluctance they did. I was almost near the gate leading directly to the plane when I realized they hadn't returned my passport. I had this feeling that I was missing something as I hurried away from the check-in counter. It's a good thing I listened to that feeling, otherwise I could have left my passport behind which would have caused a lot of complications!

We all have this 'gut feeling'; like some kind of internal instinct. It's like our mind and our body somehow know what we need to do in every situation. Its inexplicable and it certainly doesn't follow the 'wisdom' of the majority. Just like how our stomach growls when we're hungry. All we need to do is listen to those feelings and simply trust. And follow.

The power of a hug.

Sometimes the hardest words to say are the words 'good-bye'. It would be great to have a language in which we would never have to say good-bye. We would never part from the people we love. My cousin told me that in French they have a entire dedicated to expressing love. Perhaps thats why Frenchmen are reputed to be very romantic!

With the spread of the Internet and social media tools like Skype, Facebook, Twittter, etc we're all quite connected. We can do almost everything except touch each other. There's nothing that can replace the feeling of touch though. No matter how much we may talk on the phone, or send messages through various media, we really cannot replace the sensation of touching the person or persons that we love. There's no substitute.

How do we put in words what we feel when someone we care about hugs us? Hugging and kissing friends and relatives is an integral part of many cultures. Perhaps they understand how crucial it is to have human contact, in fact we could go so far as to say has survival value.

In psychology we learn about attachment theories; how children who have had a secure level of attachment with their primary caregiver-usually the mother- go on to lead balanced lives. And of course the children who have not had a secure level of attachment can go on to lead dysfunctional lives. There are exceptions in both cases however there is a noticeable pattern. And of course everyone knows Maslow's hierarchy of needs, starting with the physical to the emotional, and finally if all these needs are met- leading on to self-actualization. A very much desired state of being.

Not everyone is used to hugging their friends and relatives, but honestly it doesn't hurt to start. Who knows? It may even change your life!

It's the little things that make a big difference.

While I was browsing through a bookstore in downtown Hyderabad, I came across quite a few great books- both non-fiction and fiction. I could literally spend hours in a bookstore; it's equivalent to a candy store for a kid. So being in a bookstore is really an exercise in discipline. Even as a kid I used to love going to libraries; i would sit with a book in the kids section and just be completely immersed in the story. I think mentally I was in another world, not that I had anything to escape from in reality.

I was browsing through a few books, then I climbed a narrow little staircase to the second floor where they had textbooks and children's literature. One of the men who worked in the stores was very helpful and he took any book I wanted to take a look at out of it's plastic cover. There were quite a few books he had to dust off; for which I was grateful. I kept glancing at my hands every now and then because they were getting blacker and blacker with every book I touched. And I think he noticed. I bought a book and an educational game for my nephew and niece and headed downstairs to pay and leave.

They were kind enough to offer free gift-wrapping for the game, which I happily accepted. What child or adult doesn't like a gift-wrapped present? Even if only for the joy of tearing it open! While I was waiting for my item to be gift-wrapped, the man who was helping me upstairs came down with a water bottle and asked if I wanted to wash my hands. I was a little surprised actually- I didn't know how to respond for a moment. I've never had this service offered by a bookstore before! He was very nice and just outside the shop he poured water over my hands so I could clean the dirt off.

It may seem like such a small and minute thing to remember, but this really stayed with me. After all he really didn't need to do it; which can only mean that he made a choice to do it. Perhaps I'm one of the lucky few to have an experience like this. Or perhaps he does this for everyone. It really doesn't matter. He exercised simple common sense and decency.

Taking time for details in the present may save us a lot of time in the future. For example taking part in simple acts of kindness. We never know how a smile or a kind word can lift another's mood. It could be something seemingly insignificant in our eyes, but in the other person's eyes we become their hero, or heroine. Which is not a bad place to be; regardless of the responsibilities attached. So take time to be kind, to pursue your hobby or passion, and you may find that you are a much better person.

As He is so are we in this world.

Sitting in the Rock auditorium in Suntec City in Singapore, listening to Pastor Joseph Prince; one line kept running through my head, "As He is so are we in this world". The 'He' in this case referred to Jesus whom Christians believe to be the Son of God who came to this earth to die for the sins of mankind. They also believe He is God who came in the form of man so that he could understand the suffering of man, without committing any sin Himself.

Fear not, I don't plan on making this a theological discourse! I have neither enough knowledge nor desire to delve into those areas. I'd much rather leave it to the experts. Coming back to what I was saying earlier, if we think about this sentence from a purely literary point of view, it would mean that we are also like Gods on this earth since we carry His image. So whatever God is like, then we are too. So if He is a God of love, then so should we be too. If He is a God of holiness, then so are we and so should we be too. And if he is a God of abundance then so are we too. Whatever His divine attributes are, we have them too.

Which is good news; that each of us has it in us to be Godlike. if we're not living in accordance with our inner Godliness then we obviously need to make a change. We can be more loving, we can be more peaceful, and we can live more fully and abundantly. It's assumed that we already have these latent Godliness in us, all we need to do now is express it. Especially if we want to make a difference those around us.

Challenging? Yes. Worth it? Yes.

New Resolutions Don't work!

No it's not too late to write about New Year Resolutions; after all who decides when the new year starts to get old? Is there a specific day we can pinpoint- say the middle of January, or the end of January, or even the middle of the year when we start to feel the New year getting old?

Today is the 21st of January, give or take a day depending on which time zone you're in. We're already past the middle of the first month of the year. How many of us have kept to those 'new year resolutions' that we so joyously started the year with? Perhaps some of us wanted to lose weight, learn a new language, pick up a new hobby, start a new business. It doesn't matter, we all started out with the best of intentions. What happened along the way? For those who have kept to their resolutions, congratulations! For the rest of us who haven't, there is always hope.

Why do we set New Year resolutions? Do we all have this secret desire within us to transform our lives? I think there's a part of each one of us that seeks to be better. To be a better person. To live a better life- one more in keeping with our dreams. So why do we fail to keep these resolutions that we were so determined about at the start of the year? Perhaps one reason is that many of us don't really know what we want; we crave everything that we think will make us a better person. Also we could be setting unrealistic resolutions that are not in keeping with our desires. For example, Iearning how to dance. We may want to learn it because we might have seen a beautiful example of it. However the want needs to be strong enough to keep the action going.

The motivation for wanting to do anything must also be equal to the action taken. Otherwise we may not even start what we write down on our 'resolution' list! I'm beginning to feel the word 'resolution' take a slightly more negative connotation; in fact some people set resolutions with the mindset that it may never happen. They've already decided that since setting resolutions hasn't worked for then in the past, it probably won't work even these year. Yet they're hoping for a positive outcome.

Maybe we shouldn't even bother with setting these resolutions and instead set goals- long, short and mid-term. This way we can closely monitor our goals and work on them everyday, rather than setting resolutions with a 'half-mind' knowing that they may never come to pass. On the contrary when we set goals and break them down into everyday tasks, they become far easier to reach. And the sense of accomplishment when we've achieved even one goal is priceless. So turn those resolutions into goals with a daily action plan and watch miracles happen!

Shot glasses of tea.

When you walk into most small eateries and restaurants in India, and ask for tea they give you these little cups of strong sweetened tea. It's really like drinking a tiny shot of highly flavoured tea.

Very refreshing and it gives one a small 'kick' much like alcohol can and does. For those of us who are sugar averse it can taste like caramelized syrup. For the most part though it awakens the senses and jolts the brain into functioning, which is great especially in the lazy hours after lunch. This tea is served to most shops, with delivery boys running around serving piping hot tea in little plastic cups which burn the lips and sear the tongue when tasting. Its even hard to hold with the fingers! It's all part of the experience.

When I was in Italy I remember going into a coffee shop and asking for coffee or café as they called it. It was not quite what I expected- I was expecting a normal black coffee in which one could add sugar and milk as desired. What I got was a tiny espresso shot, very black and very strong. A shot of coffee. I saw a few people order the same; they would wait at the counter and as soon as they received their coffee they would quickly sip it (there were only about 3 or 4 sips per cup) and then be on their way. it was such a routine activity and yet very much an integral part of their day.

Culture is unique. Every country has it's own culture, and then there are subcultures within those cultures. No wonder a study of culture is so fascinating; it's amazing to see how humans live in different parts of the world and yet despite completely diverse cultures somehow there is a similarity of thinking between people. We're really not all that different from each other: we all live, love, and die. Just that we have different expressions of living; whether we order a shot of tea in India or a shot of coffee in Italy.

Love what you do or do what you love.

Would you rather love what you're currently doing? Or would you rather do what you love doing? Is there a difference? Or just semantically different? Recently I was browsing through a book, "Success Built to Last"; just through the introduction and the first chapter. The book is a compilation of the stories of leaders who have made lasting changes in the live of others.

Two words kind of jumped off the page for me- meaning and passion. Three words actually, the third one being action. Most of the leaders who were interviewed for the book were people who believed that their life had meaning and there was a higher purpose to the existence. They sought and found answers to the very fundamental question, "Who am I?" and also the next relevant question. "What am I doing here?"

Two very basic questions and yet questions that I'm sure many people can't answer. Or perhaps questions that people would rather not even have to confront. Questions that I too until not too long ago was not able to specifically answer myself. But obviously these questions are the very crux of our existence here on Earth. If we believe that nothing happens by accident and that everything happens for a reason, then it logically follows that our being here on this planet is also for a reason.

Its up to us to find out what that reason is. Finding out what we're passionate about is part of our purpose. How do we know what we're passionate about? A simple question we could ask ourselves could be. "what is the one thing that in doing brings us great happiness and satisfaction, and when we're involved in this activity do we lose all sense of time?" As in does this activity consume us until we forget our surroundings and people around us?

A friend I met very recently put this idea of pursuing our passion in a slightly different light. We were having dinner at the very lovely Taj Krishna- one of my favorite hotels in Hyderabad. They have wonderful service, the staff are very warm. Anyway I asked my friend what his passion was and whether he was following his passion. His answered that we can bring love and passion into anything that we do, no matter how seemingly menial the task. Including housework, or being with a friend who needs our help. Or our jobs. Especially when it comes jobs that we're doing but not liking.

So what's the solution? Either find something that you love to do, or bring love into what you're doing. A perfect example was our chef who came out to chat with us, and then sent us two complimentary dishes. He definitely seemed to love what his work. and we were the lucky beneficiaries of his creativity!

An Ode to Indian Women

Perhaps I should re-title this post as an 'Ode to Women' and not just Indian women. Being in Hyderabad the past 2 to 3 weeks, observing life around me and especially that of women, sometimes leaves me shaking my head in amazement.

How do these women do it? How do they balance home, family, work, dealing with the male gender in general? Some of them wake up early in the morning to cook for their whole family, as well as pack a lunch box. Then if they are working women, they rush off to work. They come back home later and once again cook and generally take care of the household making sure it runs smoothly. Is it wired into their DNA? I'm sure if some of them knew what was awaiting them later in life, they may have chosen to have never left the safety of their mother's womb!

Life in India or perhaps in many developing nations in very challenging. Women have to balance a myriad of roles ranging from wife to career woman. Or in short a superwoman who somehow manages to perform all her tasks with ease and charm, not chipping a nail in the process. Women are expected to bring home the money and make chapatis at the same time. And yes, they are expected to look beautiful and elegant while performing inelegant tasks.

Certain indian women who have complete boors for husbands should be given an award for long-suffering. Men who go off to work and treat their wives like maid- servants. Then of course women have to handle the daily leering glances of men, sometimes even on an hourly basis.

How do they do it? Perhaps it's simply a matter of rising to occasion and seeing what the situation demands. Maybe it's been programmed into their minds when they were growing up. Do they love what they're doing? Perhaps they do, or they grow into loving it. I'm not writing all this to rant and rave at men. I'm writing this so that all of us can show appreciation to the women in our lives: mother, daughter, mother-in-law and others. For all that they do, and for the sacrifices they have made.

Let's procrastinate about procrastinating.

I don't normally do this. No, I'm not talking about procrastinating; that I seem to do on a fairly regular basis. As I'm sure we all do if we're honest enough to admit it. I'm talking about looking up definitions of certain words and then inserting those definitions into a piece I'm writing. It brings slightly unpleasant memories of high-school essays. Slightly only because I've always loved writing; unpleasant because it had to be graded and thereby everything was geared towards earning brownie points with the examiner.

So back to definitions. What is procrastination and why do we do it? For those who have honestly never indulged in procrastinating please forgive me for the assumption. Once again I beg for forgiveness for using the Wikipedia definition; but I liked the way it was phrased,

" ..procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of lower priority, or doing something from which one derives enjoyment, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time..."

We humans are creatures of logic at least most of the time- unless superstitions are involved in which case we throw logic and good sense out the window- so it begs the question why do we procrastinate? Why do we put off something that we can do now until later? Why do we wait until the proverbial 'last minute'? Sometimes it's just pure laziness. Or we don't value our time and think we have all the time in the world until calamity strikes and it becomes too late. There are some tasks that perhaps can be postponed but things like our health, finances, and spending time with our loved ones really can't be put off because before we may realize that one seemingly simple act of delaying may turn into a viscious cycle of destruction.

Procrastination is like a poison that slowly eats into each and every part of us and destroys that sense of urgency we need to have. It starts nibbling away at your priorities, then goes on to slowly attack your dreams, your passion and your very purpose for living. The danger of it is that it happens so quietly, and stealthily like a thief.

How do we get rid of it? Make a list of priorities; things that must get done no matter what. And since we like to enjoy ourselves, make some time for play and leisure so you feel like you're not being deprived. And take it step-by-step and enjoy the process. Re-claim your life. You are worth it.

The seaming soft- porn business in India

Why is that that a large percentage of tailors in India are men? It's something I can't get my head around, especially in a land that is so conservative in so many ways. And yet not as conservative as we may think.

The tailoring industry is one that never ceases to amaze me. It's a culture in itself, with a unique worldview. Most obviously, one that's ruled by men. It seems innocent enough- we women go to these men who then take the material and create something lovely with which to drape ourselves. So why do I call it soft porn? First I have to clarify that I'm no expert in 'porn'- either soft, hard, or any other kind! I simply use the word loosely to describe what lies beneath a commonplace task of going to a tailor and getting a dress made.

As soon as a woman walks into a tailoring shop, she is without a doubt assessed from head to foot. Of course if she's attractive, the assessment prolongs a little longer. For a new customer there is the crucial step of taking measurements; which gets the tailor up close and personal with his female customer. And it can be quite personal sometimes- since some of the measurements include taking what is fondly referred to as a woman's 'vital statistics'- or the bust-waist-hip ratio. We could also call it legalized groping, or brief bursts of pleasure, depending on whose eyes we look through.

Then besides the physical involvement, there is also the power of imagination. I as a woman have only a brief idea of what may cross a man's mind when he looks at a woman. Certain men in India sometimes seem to be from another planet; they act as if they've never seen a woman before. Others of course know what women are, yet they have no idea of how to act around women. The educated may also fall into this category. But the tailors are a breed unto themselves, they are not just acquainted with scores of women- they are actually given permission to touch, that too by the woman herself! No need for charm, or quick wit, or the support of alcohol; they can just dive right in and call it their job. It beats any guy trying to approach a woman at a bar!

I can't speak for other countries, not having been to as many. At least not yet. India however is truly a land of paradoxes. It's the land of arranged marriages and the land of the Kamasutra. Amazing.

Let go of your inner beauty!

I really never thought I would ever write anything about food and diet. Food has always been the last item in my list of priorities. It's something I know my body needs to function but I really never paid much attention to what I ate and when and how often I ate.

Then at one point a few years ago, my self image and appearance took centre-stage. I completely bought into the 'skinny is beautiful' hype and I went on a completely illogical path. Instead of appreciating my body as it was made to be, I started to want to lose a lot of weight in a very short time, and in a manner that proved that I didn't really love myself. In short I had one of those eating disorders that unfortunately are what a lot of young girls and women suffer from today.

Eating disorders are a kind of obsession where the mind holds onto warped images of what it thinks reality is. The funny thing is I couldn't even tell that I was losing bucket loads of weight; in fact I probably thought I was fat. My mind was so powerful that it refused to accept any other messages that it thought was contradictory. My story thankfully does have a very happy ending: I got rid of the obsession through the support of wonderful family and friends for which I am extremely grateful, because looking back now I can see that I was really on the brink of a landslide. Had I continued on that dangerous path I probably would not have lived to write this.

I'm not normally in the habit of sharing such personal stories. And the only reason I'm doing so now is to tell women especially that we need to take care of ourselves. I've changed from someone who used to avoid eating, to someone who enjoys eating and trying new tastes. I still don't eat a lot but I eat as nutritiously as possible. I believe I'm perfect just the way I am.

A well-cared for woman, who is confident with a healthy self-image will always be beautiful. A woman who is happy, and who loves herself is very attractive. Perhaps we should stop reading magazines that emphasize on appearance, and instead read books; anything that nurtures our inner self. Inner beauty shines outward.

When God is silent.

Early this morning I was sitting in church and the preacher was sharing the story of a man called Job. The story goes that this man Job was a man of great integrity, honesty, and a pretty sharp businessman too. He was blessed with a large family, lots of land, and lots of cattle; which at that time accounted for great wealth. So by today's standards he could have been a millionaire.

The story takes a twist here; God decides that Job is worthy of being tested. In fact God is sure that Job would never ever curse God! In one day Job loses his family and his great wealth- which would give most people cause to turn away from God. Which is what Job's wife recommended he do. Job however had God's personal stamp of approval, and of course God can't be wrong! He refused to doubt God- truly a man of great faith.

The story goes on, however the thing that struck me is that why do we blame God when things seem to go wrong? This is obviously not a perfect world so why don't we just try to correct our own actions and stop wasting time blaming God? He should be telling us that it's not fair that we blame Him for our own actions! And the actions of our friends, neighbors, and countrymen / women. It's almost funny that we don't see the logic in this. In this imperfect world, everyone suffers especially the good people.

What's the solution? Perhaps that we each do our little part to effect change, and like ripples in the water we can slowly make a difference.

Loving me, Loving you

Yes, I know the word 'love' has been used so much it's almost become a cliche in itself. Everyone has their own version of love; their own idea of what love is to them. The good news is that I'm not here to debate or discuss what love means in all its myriad forms. Because I can't.

What I can do is share what I feel love is. I grew up in church, and I used to keep hearing the word 'love' repeated very often. How God loves us as His children. That love is 'patient and kind, doesn't keep record of wrongs...'. I was also blessed with a family where we were comfortable both verbally and physically expressing love- my parents used to hug and kiss my brother and myself as kids. In fact we still do.

Recently something popped out at me. I recalled hearing something like. "we need to love others as we love ourselves". Being an English teacher, from a grammatical standpoint, this seemed like a conditional statement; we can only love others if we love ourselves. So every time we hurt others we're actually hurting ourselves. It's like looking into a mirror. If we don't respect ourselves how can we respect others? If we don't love ourselves how can we love others? If we don't follow our passion and reach our fullest potential how can we tell others to do it too?
So the next time we into a mirror, lets look deep into our souls and ask ourselves the question." Do I love me?"

When I woke up this morning...

The first thing I heard when I woke up this morning was a young boy calling out to his brother," Bhaiya, chai peelo!". Translated into English this means," brother, drink tea!". Or "brother, come and drink your tea!". I'm no hindi pundit so I won't debate the exact trans-literal definition or even the semantics or sentence structure.

The only reason this incident remained in my memory is because I heard this expression repeated a few times. It would not be an exaggeration to say he repeated the same exclamation 6 or 7 times! I won't say it woke me up because even an alarm right beside my ear wouldn't wake me up! My family members and close friends can attest to this. So I was already slightly awake and in alpha mode when I kept hearing this repeated. The first thought that sprung to my mind was why he needed to keep repeating. After all what's the urgency? It's just a cup of tea!

It got me thinking about the relationship between the two brothers: in fact they may not even be related. Nowadays it's common to call friends or cousins 'brother' or 'sister'. It also got me thinking about different cultural contexts. And it got me thinking about why this particular incident even stayed in my memory: it's been at least a week since this happened. Why do we remember some events and forget other more 'important' events like people's names? What is thing we call 'memory'? Its like those 'Who am I' kind of riddles: what can't be seen or touched, and yet is something we can't do without?