The other side of Love

Consuming and crazy 

Hot and cold 

Powerful and passionate 

Bitter and sweet 

Love in its many forms 

And we can question not 

How it ebbs and flows 

The whys and the how's 

Like coffee and chocolate 

Dark and melting 

Browns and blacks 

And milky white too 

With a sparkle or red 

Cherished and hugged 

To have and to hold 

Hands and mouths entangled 

Bodies aflame 

The other side of love 

Which one? 

Its not for our minds to comprehend 

Just our hearts 

Love comes 

Sometimes in a rush 

All at once 

And sometimes it crawls 

Taking its own sweet time 

Knowing ultimately 

That it will arrive 

On Time and 

In perfect time  

3 Reasons Why Giving up is Not Your best option.

I love options. 

Ask any of my friends and you'll very likely see their heads nod in agreement. Throw in a little eye-rolling too. 

But doesn't everyone love options? 

When you walk into any supermarket you're bombarded with at least ten different flavors of ice-creams, another seven for milk; non-fat, full cream, 1%, 2%, skimmed, chocolate, strawberry, soy...you get the picture. 

The secret to grocery shopping is of course to use a list. A list that clearly states the exact item and quantity, basically leaving no room for guessing. 

Because therein lies the danger. 

Guesswork can cause your heart rate (or the husbands) to escalate when you reach the cash register. Especially if you're shopping on an empty stomach. 

So options may not always be your best friend. 

Take it from someone who loves them. I even sometimes consider myself an options dealer. From someone who finds packing for a holiday a highly challenging chore. I need to have wardrobe and footwear options- packing light is still a little like finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I'm sure I'll get there though, suitcase and all. 

So reason number one is: just don't (give up). Remove that option from your mind. 

Reason number two, consider your remaining options after removing the 'don't give up' one. 

What are your reasons for living? Family, contribution...there doesn't have to be a lot. 

When you sift and sieve through the clutter and the distractions surrounding you, you might find one tiny reason hanging on, as fine and as resilient as a single strand that makes up the silky web of a spidery cobweb. And just as sticky too. 

Reason number three: new opportunities. What kind of new opportunities you might ask? 

First you might have to remove the 'jaded' filter, the 'cynical' one, the 'depressed' one, and instead put on the 'curious' one, or even just the 'grateful' one. Once you change these filters a whole new world could open up. 

Look at life around you like a kid would, apart from throwing tantrums every now and then kids are crazily curious. 

They ask hundreds of questions, and they want to see and touch everything around them. We can't totally mimic them, but you get the picture. You might find you want to start a new business, a new skill, a complete career change. 

With just a month left until the end of the year, start preparing. Turn off the thoughts that tell you you can't do stuff, and turn on the productive and the creative ones. 

If you run out of ideas, Google. You might find yourself running out of hours with all that can be done. 

There's an endless amount of resources available now for anyone, there's literally no excuse to not do anything. 

To not turn your life around. 

To not live in a better space. 

To not start a new business. 

To not spend more time with your family. 

To not travel to those places that you've always wanted to travel to. 

To just not give up. 

What are you looking for?

Do you just see the muddy road?
Or
the colour of a glass of chocolate milk?

Do you see the dark grey stormy clouds
or
the shining silver lining behind?

Do you see derelict buildings
or
The opportunity to build and repair?

Do you smell the stench of rotting vegetables
or
The joy of having a bowl of fresh organic salad

Do you see the creases and crows feet
or
The tiny spark of hope in the eye

Do you see unpainted, uncared for feet
or
The story of strength behind

Do you see anger spent
or
The years of abuse lying dormant

Do you see tired hands
or
A labour of love

It's not just the physical eyes that need to see
but
The eyes of the Heart

See beyond the outer
And learn to read between the lines
Look for whats not obvious
And start seeing that which begs to be seen

Do you belong?

Belonging. 

Acceptance 

Feeling wanted 

In possession of 

Needed 

intimacy with another 

Feeling secure 

Being 

Associations 

A relationship 

Loved 

A Myriad of ways to define belonging 

So why this endless search to find it? 

People search for belonging in what they do 

In what they wear 

In where they live 

In what others around them are doing and saying

People search for relationships that fulfill

Them, 

not realizing that belonging starts with knowing your Self. 

That belonging is independent of and 

Mutually exclusive with our environment

Who are you really? 

Just as the sage Greek philosophers emphasized to Know Thyself.

Therein lies our answer. 

The search therefore is not so much to belong, 

but to find ourselves. 

That Higher Self that the metaphysicians so often tell us. 

Maintaining a fine balance between Freud's Id, Ego and SuperEgo. 

We may not need to go beyond looking into the eyes of the person staring back at us in the mirror. 

At least to start with. 

That exciting journey within to find that 

Sense of 

Belonging 

Perhaps it's about love in its truest form

You cannot give that which you do not have. 

We want to feel loved and accepted. 

But do we really love and accept ourselves first?  

Do we have an intimate relationship with ourself? 

Are we whole beings walking around or do we need to pick up the shards lying around us

Shards that when glued just might create a magnificent piece of art 

Pieces that might be cracked 

But pieces that belong to each other 

Pieces with a purpose 

Living in the in-betweens

Life is lived in the in betweens

In between what though? 

Between birthdays 

Those glorious celebrations 

Of family 

Blood kinship 

People who've seen us at our very best 

Our absolute worst 

With whom we quarrel over both 

Significant snd insignificant issues 

People who've shared our happiest moments 

And our harshest defeats 

We've been given family as

Mirroring shadows 

Who hold us accountable to our 

Words and actions 

We get to celebrate each of them 

Birthdays of friends

Who give family stiff competition 

Though not bound by blood 

By equally if not stronger bonds of love 

Those people 

Who gradually move from being 

Strangers to friends 

A word so simple it belies the

strength and depth 

Of every single experience that went into 

Making that person a friend

People who make themselves available when you need 

Who more often than you might realize  

Go beyond and out of their way for 

You 

Relationships that so enrich your life

Words seem redundant 

Often falling short 

If we could imagine life lived as a 

Series of endless birthdays 

With moments of routine slipping in

Inevitably 

It might perhaps make life so much 

More hopeful

Make us so much more grateful 

For the people who give us reason to 

Celebrate and make those in between 

Moments 

Go so much faster 

The girl in the blue dress

She came toward him 

As if in a dream 

Or did he rise? 

He couldn't be sure who walked 

Toward whom first 

Not that it made a difference 

He felt he was floating 

Anyway 

He couldn't be sure what 

Caught his eye

Was it the pitch black of her

Curly hair or eyes

Was it the downward sweep of her 

Lashes 

as she looked down 

To make sure her dress wasn't caught in

Her shoes 

Was it the gentle arch of her furrowed brows concentrated on 

Every step in front of her 

Was it her shy smile as she glanced at him

With a flash of even white teeth beneath 

Was it the way she walked

The gentle sway of her hips 

Moving to a rhythm all her own 

Intoxicated 

He couldn't take his eyes off of her 

Perhaps it was the blue dress

She wore 

Not just any blue 

But the colour of the sky after a

Warm sunny day passes 

As the sun lowers beyond the horizon 

To rest before it rises again 

A blue so deep 

It soothed the eyes

Her dress that drew the outline of her 

Shapely body 

Shot through with silvery threads 

Hooked 

Addicted 

He knew he had to have her. 

Paradise, Found

What if paradise existed right now, right here? 

All around you? 

What if the only step you needed to take was a small one, 

A baby one even? 

As minute as opening your eyes 

Your emotional eyes,

Your mental eyes,

Your spiritual eyes, not just your physical eyes? 

What would it be like to really feel true, inexhaustible 

Indescribable 

Happiness 

What if you just knew in that minds eye of yours that every decision you made was the right one? 

That even the wrong ones would lead you to the right ones? 

How would you feel then? 

What would it feel like to really connect with someone? 

To look deep into their eyes, past the irises, the corneas, the colours and really see 

Who he is or 

Who she is ? 

To not just peek through their windows 

But to have them open the door to you and welcome you into their lives 

Into their souls 

To see their pulse beating in their throat when they tell you how terrified they were when they thought they had 

No one left 

When every vestige of hope was taken away from them 

When they thought their lives were shattered into a million pieces and 

They would forever be searching 

The change 

When hope lends a sparkle 

Like clusters of diamonds 

And they Know they've been 

Found 

Found that Paradise 

Once so elusive and chased 

Existed within them 

The moment they found themselves 

Even more 

Paradise was all around them 

That they had the Power to create their own Paradise and know that it would last 

For as long as they had breath

And lastly they found the true beauty in themselves 

Picking up the million shattered pieces of their lives 

They created a mirror that magnified the 

Brilliance of their souls 

Where looking in they saw 

Paradise 

What do cookies, decisions and Nike have in common?

Some people just know how to make decisions. 

I'm not one of them. It's hard for me to decide on something, especially when there are so many choices to choose from. 

I've learned a secret to decision making though, which may or may not make it easier for you. I found it's helped me from that horrible habit of procrastinating which so many of us seem to suffer from. I'm not entirely cured of it but I can say I've improved.  

Make it. A decision is an act. It has to be made. We make a choice to do something, even though sometimes we might think we've been compelled by external sources. 

Nothing external can compel you until that little internal switch has been flipped. Sometimes it's a matter of being in the right time at the right place, perhaps even with the right person. 

I was sitting at a very lovely cafe and had just ordered a café latté. There was a decision process even with that latté; I had been to this particular café before and I had previously ordered their South Indian coffee which was just alright. 

I was in the mood for trying something a little different, and I wanted a coffee with milk. So my decision to order a café latté was not only spontaneous to some extent, it was also in keeping with my general philosophy in life; to have as many new experiences as possible. 

Once the coffee was brought, I found myself hoping for a cookie to go with it. I didn't see one and I didn't feel like ordering anything from the menu. The Universe must have heard my hearts desire because a few minutes later the kind young waitress brought me a plate of six cookies! There were three different varieties of cookies on the plate. I really only wanted one cookie, so I was left with choosing one. 

There was a dark brown which must have been a chocolate flavored one; as crazy as this sounds I'm not crazy about chocolate. Then there was a thin cream coloured one which seemed like it could have been a butter flavored one, and then there was a slightly thicker one that was a little thicker and rougher to look at. I'm a sucker for anything that remotely looks like it might have coconut in it, so I chose the one that was thicker and rougher in texture. 

Obviously every decision requires some thought process, some more than others. In this case my decision was influenced by my love for coconut. This was a simple decision of course, certainly not in the category of life-changing ones. 

It was significant for me though, because it made me realise how we can actually simplify our decision making process. Some people make a list of pros and cons, and that's one way of narrowing down possibilities. 

But once we make the list of pros and cons we still need to act, in other words decide. It's only until we decide and move on that decision do we understand if that decision is a good one or something to learn from. 

You could even think of decision making as a skill; and like any skill the more you do it, the better you become. One of the perks of getting better at decision making is that we can apply it to any area of our lives. 

We can even decide how we want to feel; we can deliberately decide that we want to feel good today and do so. No matter what anyone might do or say to annoy us, we can choose not to get annoyed. To me that's a win-win. 

We make choices every minute of our lives; do we turn left or right, should we use brown sugar or white, should we stay in that relationship or end it. But once we remove our egos and our emotions, and listen to that still small voice in our heart we can make a good decision. 

Like Nike has been saying for decades now "just do it!" Experience it. And then decide if it's something worth repeating, or not.